My friend and I are on route to a mountain cabin at Karatssjön (Karats Lake). It is Friday, April 19th. The cabin owner and his grandchild are in the car in front of us. They will lead us to their family cabin which we plan to rent. The decision is that we will not leave the cabin until we are done with our project to finish this website and work on a company job. In other words we know that we are to stay on the mountain for as many days as it will take.
“Wow, this feels so scary and exciting at the same time”, I say to my colleague in the passenger seat. “The feeling is similar to the time when I was a teenager and planned to make a 94 mile hike from Kvikkjokk to Vaisaluokta with a 50 pound backpack. I told friends in the village about my plans of hiking through the high mountains. Back in those times it was highly unusual activities for us in the village. The comments were many and the question, how I would be able to walk 94 miles in one week, was raised several times.
Nunjes 9 kilometres from Kvikkjokk
Panting, puffing and moaning I dropped my backpack to the ground close to the house in Nunjes. It was there and then that the enormity of the venture hit me hard. Huh?! I have only hiked for 6 miles? Oh!!! HELP!!! I was completely wasted and exhausted. At that time I could not see that it was possible to manage the additional remaining 88 miles. The straps of my backpack had been digging in to my shoulders. My back was killing me and my legs felt as if they could not take one more step. I thought – This is impossible. There is no way that I can finish this.
The thoughts were going on inside of me as I was huffing and puffing to get my breath back. Then it dawned on me. There is no way back – I MUST finish. I remembered that “everyone” in the village knew of my plan to walk all the way over the mountains from Kvikkjokk to Vaisaluokta. I realized that there was no way for me to come home to the village without having completed the task I had been telling everyone about. I would not be coming home as a quitter, that was not an option.
I got to learn there and then the valuable lesson, that when I think I do not have anything more to give, I have only tapped in to a small portion and that there is SO much more.
It took four additional days to get to Vaisaluokta.
Some lessons learned:
– Never brag!
– Never try to show off!
– And when I think I have nothing more to give I have at least 80 % left.
In the cabin at Karatssjön (Karats Lake)
Now I am in a similar situation.
Just before the trip to Karatssjön, I told some people of the reason why we were going to stay in a cabin in the mountains. I explained that the plan is for my colleague and I to finish this website as well as work on another project without any distractions from normal day-to-day life.
I am behind the wheel, and I hear myself express that I am feeling resistant to making a website. It startled me since I thought I had broken through the resistance barriers to create a website, but no, it was still there.
I express that I know that I somehow must get rid of it.
During the car ride we discovered 3 reasons for the resistance.
- Because I just am not sure of how to best describe what happened during the past decade. It has been so important to my colleagues and I not to judge and point fingers. I know that the last thing I want to do is to get defensive. As of now, I still don’t know what the best way is to give a clear and honest picture of the happenings, without seeming like disgracing and pointing fingers at those who have tried to defame and backstab me and my colleagues in the media and in the village. DONE!
So, I don’t know the ‘how to do’ yet, but I feel content that it will be figured out along the way of developing the site.
- I feel very resistant to focus on myself, when the feeling is that there is so much more important to focus on. True! Yet, this needs to be done. DONE!
Because of the attacks, it is important to make it possible for others to evaluate the situation.
- I realize that I have to put myself on “display” and openly share facts of who I am and what I stand for. DONE!
That should be easy since I know that I have nothing to hide. On the down side, over the past decade I have experienced how often facts and truths have been distorted beyond recognition. I have learned that when someone wants to, they can always tilt, turn, switch and scramble until it fits their own imagination. There is nothing I can do about that. But it can no longer hold me back from expressing the truth.
The storm and attacks
If you who read this want to know the reasons to the previous resistance, please see the storm and attacks: “The storm” >>