Everyone can make a difference

I KNOW that everyone is born good and that we always have a choice to hold on to that goodness. It is my experience that when we choose to see people for whom they truly are without feeling better or worse than them, many of the old “games” fall. It becomes much easier to get involved, contribute, listen and to share our observations and experiences with others.

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I remember a brief encounter I had with a taxi driver in Asia. He told me of his huge fear for dying. I shared with him my own views on death, which he expressed were “right on” for him. He looked at me and said stunned that he no longer felt the fear for death.

Sometimes it takes so little

To truly care about others

There was this couple getting seriously close to a divorce without anyone around them knowing about it. One day I asked the woman what their family plans were for the following holiday weekend. When she told me her husband meant to spend the entire weekend by himself in a cabin, I knew that something was off. I wondered how their relationship was and she told me that it was not going well at all. Then I asked how she would like to spend the upcoming holiday weekend. She said that she wanted the whole family to celebrate the holiday together. Then I suggested that the three of us should have a meeting and talk it all through. She liked that idea.

Her husband arrived within 15 minutes and it became clear to me that the man was very close to close the door on their relationship. My experience is that when someone fully closes the door it is too late to fix the relationship. So it did not feel as if it was too late. When the man was asked if he would be willing to open himself up and work towards a solution in order to save the relationship, he said “Yea, well… I guess I can do that.” That was not at all good enough for me and I told him that and explained that either he had to choose to fully open up for the possibility to save their marriage or I wouldn’t assist them. I could hear the shift in his voice, it was a firm commitment when he expressed that he choose to participate fully in an effort to find a way to save their marriage. His wife expressed that she had had no idea that he was so close to “close the door” on their relationship.

After the coaching it was rewarding to see them looking at each other, sitting close together on the couch like teenagers in love. The man uttered how grateful he was. “Thank you for caring about us. For assisting us to see, recognize and get rid of all the invisible walls we had built up between us”.

In my opinion it is never too late to heal a relationship as long as the door has not been fully closed. 

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It took 38 times, to get it!

For some time I had been asking myself questions regarding day-to-day life in a way I never had before. I was married to the second great love of my life. He was great and we truly loved each other a lot. Yet there were times that he got on my nerves. By then I had come so far that I knew that every time I got irritated by someone, there was ALWAYS something I could find and adjust within myself. Each time I adjusted the way I viewed the situation I could feel myself grow. Often I could conclude that the reason for my irritation evaporated. One step at the time I discovered what kind of different “buttons” I “allowed” other people to push.

I knew that every time I was pointing a judgmental finger at someone else, three fingers were pointing back at me.

Yet for the longest time I was convinced that he was an exception to that rule. I asked myself: “But this time, his behavior must have to do with him only?” It took 38 times before I finally understood that my husband was not an exception to that rule. Every time I choose to react with judgment and blame, with no exception, there is something within myself that I need to adjust.

SONY DSCI realized that instead, as soon as I chose to talk about what had just happened without blame, he was open for discussion and we could easily find a solution to what just had happened.

Simple! After that I just kept reminding myself not to judge and blame others.

This changed my life in a good way. I consciously started to try and rid myself of all judgments. Within no time I realized that there were lots of built in judgments in my life. It became a fun process to find those and I was amazed at how often I had ‘secretly’ been judging others in the past. If and when it happens, I now know how to easily deal with it.

It was so meaningful to really grasp that ANYTHING I CAN EVER CONTROL IS MYSELF and it is my choice how to react to what others say and do. It must be said again, this makes it so much easier to handle situations where one is treated unjust.