Everyone holds an important piece to the puzzle

tvt b c 7We all had agreed on the color for the wood paneling around the windows of the large industrial building that was acquired and that was now being painted on the outside. Eight people had agreed upon the color beige. Then I suddenly noticed Ray, who was standing at a small distance from the group – somehow none of us had thought of asking for his opinion. It was important that he too would be given the opportunity to give the green light on the chosen color. He was shown the beige we had all agreed on and was asked for his thoughts on the matter.
–No! He said with emphasis. Then he walked over to a birch tree and picked a translucent green leaf.
–This is the color it should be!

All of us, who just moments ago in unison had decided on beige, nodded in agreement. Definitely! THAT was the right color indeed. Ray’s input opened up a new level to the color selection which made everyone feel good. Think of how important it is to be open to everyone’s opinion and be willing to work as a team in which everyone’s view and puzzle pieces are valued.

It takes courage to not comply with the majority, but to stay true to your own gut feeling. The building now really catches the eye with the lovely green color around the windows, thanks to Ray for conveying that which he believed to be best, and thanks to no-one in the group feeling too prestigious to take offense.

I KNOW that everyone is born good

A number of years ago I was asked to meet with a well-known and reputable businessman in the U.S. We were to meet Monday, Tuesday and Thursday to share our philosophy with each other. The meeting on Monday went great with lots of understandings and sharing. On Tuesday it also started off great. The man had a beautiful office with deep comfortable leather armchairs, photos, diplomas, sports paraphernalia and more attesting to his importance. The atmosphere was relaxed and friendly.

Then suddenly it all changed.

At first I had no clue as to what had happened, but I clearly could feel the sudden and dramatic change in atmosphere in the room as the chilling energy surrounded me. I sat there with a big question mark as to what had happened.

From having comfortably been leaning back in his chair, the man moved to the edge of his seat. Clearly more than upset, breathing deeply and heavily. Agitation shone in his eyes as he told me that he was a Jew. That his parents were Jews for as far back as one could follow the bloodlines on both his mother’s and his father’s side. He told me that he had lost several relatives in Hitler’s concentration camps. Then he said, “Are you sitting here in my office saying that even Hitler was good?”


At first I was stunned by his reaction. Then I locked eyes with him and said with a firm voice “Yes! That is what I am saying! I am claiming that even Hitler was good at birth”. Then I explained my thesis that while growing up he chose to become further and further away from the true him. The reasons could be many, for instance environment, parents, society, friends, teachers and books he chose to read.

I did not feel that I reached him at all so I suggested ending the session. He fully agreed and I walked out of there fully convinced that Thursday’s meeting would be cancelled.

On Wednesday afternoon I received a call from the man’s secretary who said she wanted to confirm the meeting scheduled for the next day.

Even though I had no idea what to expect, I was caught off guard when I stepped into his office. He met me with a big smile and open arms. To my surprise he spontaneously embraced me in a hug. Then he took my hand with both of his hands and told me how grateful he was and that I had changed his life.

He had realized how much HATRED he had carried around on his shoulders and what an immense burden it had been carrying it around.

He told me that he had made the choice to take in that even Hitler was good once as a baby, after I left yesterday. He described that it was a tremendous emotional experience when the heavy load of hatred evaporated.

When we parted I had a strong feeling that the world had become a tiny bit better. I feel truly blessed to have been a part of this man’s journey and to have contributed in easing his judgment and hatred.

Actually who knows the true reasons for Hitler becoming a madman? He might even have been bullied growing up. The fact is that the terrible choices he made of gruesome cruelty led him to the most horrific and atrocious acts against Jews and against humanity.

It is such a joy to be a part of assisting others to rid themselves from heavy burdens that have been a heavy weight on them.

Everyone can make a difference

I KNOW that everyone is born good and that we always have a choice to hold on to that goodness. It is my experience that when we choose to see people for whom they truly are without feeling better or worse than them, many of the old “games” fall. It becomes much easier to get involved, contribute, listen and to share our observations and experiences with others.


I remember a brief encounter I had with a taxi driver in Asia. He told me of his huge fear for dying. I shared with him my own views on death, which he expressed were “right on” for him. He looked at me and said stunned that he no longer felt the fear for death.

Sometimes it takes so little

To truly care about others

There was this couple getting seriously close to a divorce without anyone around them knowing about it. One day I asked the woman what their family plans were for the following holiday weekend. When she told me her husband meant to spend the entire weekend by himself in a cabin, I knew that something was off. I wondered how their relationship was and she told me that it was not going well at all. Then I asked how she would like to spend the upcoming holiday weekend. She said that she wanted the whole family to celebrate the holiday together. Then I suggested that the three of us should have a meeting and talk it all through. She liked that idea.

Her husband arrived within 15 minutes and it became clear to me that the man was very close to close the door on their relationship. My experience is that when someone fully closes the door it is too late to fix the relationship. So it did not feel as if it was too late. When the man was asked if he would be willing to open himself up and work towards a solution in order to save the relationship, he said “Yea, well… I guess I can do that.” That was not at all good enough for me and I told him that and explained that either he had to choose to fully open up for the possibility to save their marriage or I wouldn’t assist them. I could hear the shift in his voice, it was a firm commitment when he expressed that he choose to participate fully in an effort to find a way to save their marriage. His wife expressed that she had had no idea that he was so close to “close the door” on their relationship.

After the coaching it was rewarding to see them looking at each other, sitting close together on the couch like teenagers in love. The man uttered how grateful he was. “Thank you for caring about us. For assisting us to see, recognize and get rid of all the invisible walls we had built up between us”.

In my opinion it is never too late to heal a relationship as long as the door has not been fully closed. 

It took 38 times, to get it!

For some time I had been asking myself questions regarding day-to-day life in a way I never had before. I was married to the second great love of my life. He was great and we truly loved each other a lot. Yet there were times that he got on my nerves. By then I had come so far that I knew that every time I got irritated by someone, there was ALWAYS something I could find and adjust within myself. Each time I adjusted the way I viewed the situation I could feel myself grow. Often I could conclude that the reason for my irritation evaporated. One step at the time I discovered what kind of different “buttons” I “allowed” other people to push.

I knew that every time I was pointing a judgmental finger at someone else, three fingers were pointing back at me.

Yet for the longest time I was convinced that he was an exception to that rule. I asked myself: “But this time, his behavior must have to do with him only?” It took 38 times before I finally understood that my husband was not an exception to that rule. Every time I choose to react with judgment and blame, with no exception, there is something within myself that I need to adjust.

SONY DSCI realized that instead, as soon as I chose to talk about what had just happened without blame, he was open for discussion and we could easily find a solution to what just had happened.

Simple! After that I just kept reminding myself not to judge and blame others.

This changed my life in a good way. I consciously started to try and rid myself of all judgments. Within no time I realized that there were lots of built in judgments in my life. It became a fun process to find those and I was amazed at how often I had ‘secretly’ been judging others in the past. If and when it happens, I now know how to easily deal with it.

It was so meaningful to really grasp that ANYTHING I CAN EVER CONTROL IS MYSELF and it is my choice how to react to what others say and do. It must be said again, this makes it so much easier to handle situations where one is treated unjust.

About this website and an early learning

Pärlälven - liten bildMy friend and I are on route to a mountain cabin at Karatssjön (Karats Lake). It is Friday, April 19th. The cabin owner and his grandchild are in the car in front of us. They will lead us to their family cabin which we plan to rent. The decision is that we will not leave the cabin until we are done with our project to finish this website and work on a company job. In other words we know that we are to stay on the mountain for as many days as it will take.

“Wow, this feels so scary and exciting at the same time”, I say to my colleague in the passenger seat. “The feeling is similar to the time when I was a teenager and planned to make a 94 mile hike from Kvikkjokk to Vaisaluokta with a 50 pound backpack. I told friends in the village about my plans of hiking through the high mountains. Back in those times it was highly unusual activities for us in the village.  The comments were many and the question, how I would be able to walk 94 miles in one week, was raised several times.

Nunjes 9 kilometres from Kvikkjokk

Panting, puffing and moaning I dropped my backpack to the ground close to the house in Nunjes. It was there and then that the enormity of the venture hit me hard. Huh?! I have only hiked for 6 miles? Oh!!! HELP!!! I was completely wasted and exhausted. At that time I could not see that it was possible to manage the additional remaining 88 miles. The straps of my backpack had been digging in to my shoulders. My back was killing me and my legs felt as if they could not take one more step. I thought – This is impossible. There is no way that I can finish this.

The thoughts were going on inside of me as I was huffing and puffing to get my breath back. Then it dawned on me. There is no way back – I MUST finish. I remembered that “everyone” in the village knew of my plan to walk all the way over the mountains from Kvikkjokk to Vaisaluokta. I realized that there was no way for me to come home to the village without having completed the task I had been telling everyone about. I would not be coming home as a quitter, that was not an option.

I got to learn there and then the valuable lesson, that when I think I do not have anything more to give, I have only tapped in to a small portion and that there is SO much more.

It took four additional days to get to Vaisaluokta.

Some lessons learned:
– Never brag!
– Never try to show off!
– And when I think I have nothing more to give I have at least 80 % left.

In the cabin at Karatssjön  (Karats Lake)

vägen till Karats litet foto

Now I am in a similar situation.

Just before the trip to Karatssjön, I told some people of the reason why we were going to stay in a cabin in the mountains. I explained that the plan is for my colleague and I to finish this website as well as work on another project without any distractions from normal day-to-day life.

I am behind the wheel, and I hear myself express that I am feeling resistant to making a website. It startled me since I thought I had broken through the resistance barriers to create a website, but no, it was still there.

I express that I know that I somehow must get rid of it.

During the car ride we discovered 3 reasons for the resistance.

  1. Because I just am not sure of how to best describe what happened during the past decade. It has been so important to my colleagues and I not to judge and point fingers. I know that the last thing I want to do is to get defensive. As of now, I still don’t know what the best way is to give a clear and honest picture of the happenings, without seeming like disgracing and pointing fingers at those who have tried to defame and backstab me and my colleagues in the media and in the village. DONE!
    So, I don’t know the ‘how to do’ yet, but I feel content that it will be figured out along the way of developing the site. 
  2. I feel very resistant to focus on myself, when the feeling is that there is so much more important to focus on. True! Yet, this needs to be done. DONE!
    Because of the attacks, it is important to make it possible for others to evaluate the situation. 
  3. I realize that I have to put myself on “display” and openly share facts of who I am and what I stand for. DONE!
    That should be easy since I know that I have nothing to hide. On the down side, over the past decade I have experienced how often facts and truths have been distorted beyond recognition. I have learned that when someone wants to, they can always tilt, turn, switch and scramble until it fits their own imagination. There is nothing I can do about that. But it can no longer hold me back from expressing the truth.

The storm and attacks
If you who read this want to know the reasons to the previous resistance, please see the storm and attacks: “The storm” >>