We all had agreed on the color for the wood paneling around the windows of the large industrial building that was acquired and that was now being painted on the outside. Eight people had agreed upon the color beige. Then I suddenly noticed Ray, who was standing at a small distance from the group – somehow none of us had thought of asking for his opinion. It was important that he too would be given the opportunity to give the green light on the chosen color. He was shown the beige we had all agreed on and was asked for his thoughts on the matter.
–No! He said with emphasis. Then he walked over to a birch tree and picked a translucent green leaf.
–This is the color it should be!
All of us, who just moments ago in unison had decided on beige, nodded in agreement. Definitely! THAT was the right color indeed. Ray’s input opened up a new level to the color selection which made everyone feel good. Think of how important it is to be open to everyone’s opinion and be willing to work as a team in which everyone’s view and puzzle pieces are valued.
It takes courage to not comply with the majority, but to stay true to your own gut feeling. The building now really catches the eye with the lovely green color around the windows, thanks to Ray for conveying that which he believed to be best, and thanks to no-one in the group feeling too prestigious to take offense.
For some time I had been asking myself questions regarding day-to-day life in a way I never had before. I was married to the second great love of my life. He was great and we truly loved each other a lot. Yet there were times that he got on my nerves. By then I had come so far that I knew that every time I got irritated by someone, there was ALWAYS something I could find and adjust within myself. Each time I adjusted the way I viewed the situation I could feel myself grow. Often I could conclude that the reason for my irritation evaporated. One step at the time I discovered what kind of different “buttons” I “allowed” other people to push.
I knew that every time I was pointing a judgmental finger at someone else, three fingers were pointing back at me.
Yet for the longest time I was convinced that he was an exception to that rule. I asked myself: “But this time, his behavior must have to do with him only?” It took 38 times before I finally understood that my husband was not an exception to that rule. Every time I choose to react with judgment and blame, with no exception, there is something within myself that I need to adjust.
I realized that instead, as soon as I chose to talk about what had just happened without blame, he was open for discussion and we could easily find a solution to what just had happened.
Simple! After that I just kept reminding myself not to judge and blame others.
This changed my life in a good way. I consciously started to try and rid myself of all judgments. Within no time I realized that there were lots of built in judgments in my life. It became a fun process to find those and I was amazed at how often I had ‘secretly’ been judging others in the past. If and when it happens, I now know how to easily deal with it.
It was so meaningful to really grasp that ANYTHING I CAN EVER CONTROL IS MYSELF and it is my choice how to react to what others say and do. It must be said again, this makes it so much easier to handle situations where one is treated unjust.