I KNOW that everyone is born good

A number of years ago I was asked to meet with a well-known and reputable businessman in the U.S. We were to meet Monday, Tuesday and Thursday to share our philosophy with each other. The meeting on Monday went great with lots of understandings and sharing. On Tuesday it also started off great. The man had a beautiful office with deep comfortable leather armchairs, photos, diplomas, sports paraphernalia and more attesting to his importance. The atmosphere was relaxed and friendly.

Then suddenly it all changed.

At first I had no clue as to what had happened, but I clearly could feel the sudden and dramatic change in atmosphere in the room as the chilling energy surrounded me. I sat there with a big question mark as to what had happened.

From having comfortably been leaning back in his chair, the man moved to the edge of his seat. Clearly more than upset, breathing deeply and heavily. Agitation shone in his eyes as he told me that he was a Jew. That his parents were Jews for as far back as one could follow the bloodlines on both his mother’s and his father’s side. He told me that he had lost several relatives in Hitler’s concentration camps. Then he said, “Are you sitting here in my office saying that even Hitler was good?”

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At first I was stunned by his reaction. Then I locked eyes with him and said with a firm voice “Yes! That is what I am saying! I am claiming that even Hitler was good at birth”. Then I explained my thesis that while growing up he chose to become further and further away from the true him. The reasons could be many, for instance environment, parents, society, friends, teachers and books he chose to read.

I did not feel that I reached him at all so I suggested ending the session. He fully agreed and I walked out of there fully convinced that Thursday’s meeting would be cancelled.

On Wednesday afternoon I received a call from the man’s secretary who said she wanted to confirm the meeting scheduled for the next day.

Even though I had no idea what to expect, I was caught off guard when I stepped into his office. He met me with a big smile and open arms. To my surprise he spontaneously embraced me in a hug. Then he took my hand with both of his hands and told me how grateful he was and that I had changed his life.

He had realized how much HATRED he had carried around on his shoulders and what an immense burden it had been carrying it around.

He told me that he had made the choice to take in that even Hitler was good once as a baby, after I left yesterday. He described that it was a tremendous emotional experience when the heavy load of hatred evaporated.

When we parted I had a strong feeling that the world had become a tiny bit better. I feel truly blessed to have been a part of this man’s journey and to have contributed in easing his judgment and hatred.

Actually who knows the true reasons for Hitler becoming a madman? He might even have been bullied growing up. The fact is that the terrible choices he made of gruesome cruelty led him to the most horrific and atrocious acts against Jews and against humanity.

It is such a joy to be a part of assisting others to rid themselves from heavy burdens that have been a heavy weight on them.

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Everyone can make a difference

I KNOW that everyone is born good and that we always have a choice to hold on to that goodness. It is my experience that when we choose to see people for whom they truly are without feeling better or worse than them, many of the old “games” fall. It becomes much easier to get involved, contribute, listen and to share our observations and experiences with others.

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I remember a brief encounter I had with a taxi driver in Asia. He told me of his huge fear for dying. I shared with him my own views on death, which he expressed were “right on” for him. He looked at me and said stunned that he no longer felt the fear for death.

Sometimes it takes so little

To truly care about others

There was this couple getting seriously close to a divorce without anyone around them knowing about it. One day I asked the woman what their family plans were for the following holiday weekend. When she told me her husband meant to spend the entire weekend by himself in a cabin, I knew that something was off. I wondered how their relationship was and she told me that it was not going well at all. Then I asked how she would like to spend the upcoming holiday weekend. She said that she wanted the whole family to celebrate the holiday together. Then I suggested that the three of us should have a meeting and talk it all through. She liked that idea.

Her husband arrived within 15 minutes and it became clear to me that the man was very close to close the door on their relationship. My experience is that when someone fully closes the door it is too late to fix the relationship. So it did not feel as if it was too late. When the man was asked if he would be willing to open himself up and work towards a solution in order to save the relationship, he said “Yea, well… I guess I can do that.” That was not at all good enough for me and I told him that and explained that either he had to choose to fully open up for the possibility to save their marriage or I wouldn’t assist them. I could hear the shift in his voice, it was a firm commitment when he expressed that he choose to participate fully in an effort to find a way to save their marriage. His wife expressed that she had had no idea that he was so close to “close the door” on their relationship.

After the coaching it was rewarding to see them looking at each other, sitting close together on the couch like teenagers in love. The man uttered how grateful he was. “Thank you for caring about us. For assisting us to see, recognize and get rid of all the invisible walls we had built up between us”.

In my opinion it is never too late to heal a relationship as long as the door has not been fully closed. 

It took 38 times, to get it!

For some time I had been asking myself questions regarding day-to-day life in a way I never had before. I was married to the second great love of my life. He was great and we truly loved each other a lot. Yet there were times that he got on my nerves. By then I had come so far that I knew that every time I got irritated by someone, there was ALWAYS something I could find and adjust within myself. Each time I adjusted the way I viewed the situation I could feel myself grow. Often I could conclude that the reason for my irritation evaporated. One step at the time I discovered what kind of different “buttons” I “allowed” other people to push.

I knew that every time I was pointing a judgmental finger at someone else, three fingers were pointing back at me.

Yet for the longest time I was convinced that he was an exception to that rule. I asked myself: “But this time, his behavior must have to do with him only?” It took 38 times before I finally understood that my husband was not an exception to that rule. Every time I choose to react with judgment and blame, with no exception, there is something within myself that I need to adjust.

SONY DSCI realized that instead, as soon as I chose to talk about what had just happened without blame, he was open for discussion and we could easily find a solution to what just had happened.

Simple! After that I just kept reminding myself not to judge and blame others.

This changed my life in a good way. I consciously started to try and rid myself of all judgments. Within no time I realized that there were lots of built in judgments in my life. It became a fun process to find those and I was amazed at how often I had ‘secretly’ been judging others in the past. If and when it happens, I now know how to easily deal with it.

It was so meaningful to really grasp that ANYTHING I CAN EVER CONTROL IS MYSELF and it is my choice how to react to what others say and do. It must be said again, this makes it so much easier to handle situations where one is treated unjust.